Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Is He the One?

Ladies, I know that when we are lonely, we may settle for men who may not necessarily be right for us.  There are warning signs that may be present from the very beginning, but we choose to ignore them.  Most times, we move into the physical arena way before we even know who we're really dealing with.  By the time we realize that this person may not be someone that compliments our true essence, we've gotten hooked on his "phonics" and then we choose to settle for everything else that comes along with this lacking package. 

Let's decide to be wise on this journey, as we only have one life to live and since we already know that life is often times shorter than we want it to be, we truly need to make better choices as far as who we spend our time with.  If you're a mature-in-age woman like myself, chances are you've been in enough failed relationships to write a book on everything you've learned and then some.  With age comes wisdom, as well as a low-tolerance for the mind games that some men use to manipulate a woman's heart.  Depending on what condition your heart is in, when approached, makes all the difference as to how much you'll tolerate in your next relationship. 

If you're already in a relationship, you need to evaluate your current situation.  Since no relationship is 100% perfect, you've got to weigh the pros and the cons and see if your relationship is worth working on and saving.  Perhaps you've been having major problems in your relationship and you've been contemplating ending it for awhile.  It's still early enough in the year to keep your New Year's resolution, and move on with your life, if you've been threatening to bounce already.  I'm pretty sure that he is waiting on you to make the first move anyway, so go for it.  What do you have to loose?  This probably isn't your first break-up so you already know that the hardest part is making the first step, after that, you'll be kicking yourself for not doing it sooner.

If you're single and looking for Mr. Right, you've got to determine what "right" is for you.  Every one's right is not the same.  More importantly than finding Mr. Right, you have to know what type of relationship you're looking to get into.  Are you looking for someone to just kick it with or someone to build a future with?  A kick-it buddy may have qualities that you would not want to deal with long-term, but are tolerable for a few hours a week.  If you're looking to have a long-term, meaningful relationship, then you're definitely going to have to do some brainstorming with yourself as to what you're really looking for in a prospective mate. 

Just in case no one has ever given you a heads-up to the key ingredients that make relationships work, I'll take the liberty and do so now.  Not necessarily in this order, here are, in my opinion, the most critical elements to a successful relationship: 
  1. Communication:  Everyone knows that communication is the key to any successful relationship.  There is good communication and bad communication, but they're both classified as forms of expression.  Silence can be golden, but is not recommended if there's a need for communication.  If you're a communicator, it wouldn't make sense to be involved with someone who does not like to communicate.  That kind of sounds funny; a human who doesn't like to communicate, when it is an essential part of our existence.
  2. Trust:  There can never be enough said about the need to be able to trust the person whom you are building a future with.  Without trust, what do you have?  If you answered, doubt, then you are correct.  Well, since this isn't a test, I'll say that you answered exactly as I would have.  Being in doubt is not a great state of mind to be in.  Uncertainty can eat away at a relationship as much as guilt can.  Trust is so critical that we must start demanding that we have it.  Trust should be earned, and if you have trust issues from past relationships, you've got to deal with them first before moving on too quickly to the next unsuspecting guy.  There's nothing worse than accusing your new man of cheating, if you have nothing to base it on.  Contrary to popular belief, all men do not cheat. 
  3. Honesty:  Honesty and trust go hand  in hand.  If you're a pretty honest person, pairing up with someone who isn't, is just setting yourself up for future headaches and perhaps heartaches.  Its important to let your prospective mate know that you will not tolerate dishonesty.  If you're building a relationship, the last thing you need in your life is a liar.  So you're a liar yourself, you say, then how dare you expect better from your mate?
  4. Compatibility:  Compatibility, in my opinion, should have been closer to number one, but since this list is not in order of importance, I guess it really doesn't matter.  Having similar beliefs is almost a must if you want to ensure that there is as less stress in your relationship as possible.  When two people's minds are in sync, it makes for a lot of peaceful moments.  If you can't see eye to eye on important issues, then they are arguments waiting to happen.  The way to find out if you're compatible with your prospective mate is to communicate relentlessly, at the beginning stages of your relationship.
Those are just a few of the key ingredients that I feel make up the foundation of a successful relationship.  I know for a fact that I left some out, but those are the ones that came to the top of my head.  Trust I'll post on this subject again, as it is very dear to my heart.  For now, meditate on what you've read and get cracking on doing whatever you decide to do.  Your happiness starts in the heart, so take the initiative to bring back the joy in your life, even if you have to go it alone for awhile.  Until next time..."Live your life by loving yourself."