Thursday, February 3, 2011

I Don't Wanna Go Outside

Technically, I've been a stay-at-home mom for the past six years.  I've worked, temporarily, outside my home for short periods of time, but would consider myself a full time mom.  I've earned my wages, here and there, with the various projects that I work on from my computer.  My secretarial services, along with my poetry-for-hire projects and greeting card collection have kept my family afloat over the years.  I believe I have enough going on that if all of my streams of income were flowing, I'd be a pretty happy camper.  My faith in my creative endeavors has kept me focused to the point that even though I could probably find a job outside of my home, I'm far too committed to seeing them through to the very end. 

If I worked outside of my home, there is no way I'd be able to spend the time that I do, cultivating the things that I feel are my destiny to fulfill.  The same hours that I spent working for someone else, I spend double that time working on finding my niche in this world.  I've gotten so used to doing my own thang, I don't even know how I would act having to work for someone else outside my home.  I wake up every morning in time to get my boys off to school and after that, I am free to do whatever I want until I'm needed by them again.  If there's an emergency at their school and I'm needed, I'm right here to spring into action.  If I was sitting on someone elses time-clock, I wouldn't have the freedom to come to my children's aide.  They are my number one priority and I'm at their beck and call until they are able to take care of themselves. 

I sit here watching the evening news and that's another reason why I don't wanna go outside.  There are a lot of disgruntled people out in the world and Lord knows I can't tolerate too much craziness right now.  I've been in my little cocoon with my family long enough for the tough-skin to wear off, so I'm not very tolerable when it comes to dealing with foolishness.  Right now the world is at an all-time high of unrest and I don't wanna be anywhere near the man or woman who has issues so unbearable that they don't want to go on, and decide to take a few people with them cause they know that they're unhappy too.  I'm so comfortable with my own four walls that I see no reason to disturb the groove that I've been vibing to for the past six years. 

Who cares if our funds are short.  At this time, there are a lot of people with short funds and they are working outside their homes, adding to the stress of not having enough money despite their hard work.  You can't control your work environment, but you can control what goes on within your own four walls and that brings a lot of comfort.  The security I feel when I'm tucked away inside my home is priceless.  It's sort of like a prisoner who's been locked up for awhile and his release date has come and it's time for him to go back into a world that he's no longer familiar with.  There's a certain amount of uncertainty that's felt and, even though he's longed for his freedom, he also knows that that freedom comes with a price.  Will the world accept him back into its arms?  As far as I'm concerned, the world isn't so loving right now, so I'll stay within the confines of the prison I've established for myself.  Within my prison walls is love, unity, security and joy.  There are days when the outside world makes contact with my sanctuary, but for the most part, I'm content with being quarantined from the working-outside-the-home population.  Until the next time..."Live your life by loving yourself."