Sunday, February 20, 2011

Grantee Pantees

OMG, I bought me some new underwear yesterday.  I must admit that gone are the days of the cute lil size 6 or even 7's I used to wear.  It's been a year and a half since the weight crept its way onto my thin frame.  My barbie doll figure took a vacation and has been missing in action for some time now.  I haven't been on a scale in a while and while dropping off some aluminum cans at a recycle place, I stepped on the scale and was alarmed to find out that my once 135 pound body, was now a whopping 175; ten pounds more than my sweetie, who's only gained weight in his face.  Later, while at one of my sons' doctor's appointment, I apprehensively stepped on the scale and learned that I had dropped ten pounds; wonderful!

So I'm looking at the undergear attire and checking the back of the packaging, according to the package I wear 8/XL; wowsers!  Extra large, oh my.  I went from a medium to extra large; how tragic.  I have to purchase my grannie panties because I'm sick and tired of walking around half mooning the world, even though they don't know it.  If you will, imagine a full moon with a piece of fabric covering only half of it.  Yep, that's what my poor derriere looked like when I was wearing my "old" panties.  I've been needing to buy me some fitting undies, but you know, with taking care of all the other people's needs in the house, mommy has to wait until she's sick and tired of something before she breaks down and buys a much needed anything. 

Yesterday was the day that I was feeling a bit selfish out of desperation and so I splurged a whopping four dollars on a three pack package of underwear.  Hey, I'm frugal and don't believe in paying more, when I can pay less and that's not just with my shoes, which by the way, I'm gonna be needing some soon.  I tried wearing my lil comfy boots the other day and Fourteen Year Old was like, "You're not wearing them are you?"  I'm looking down and saying, "Yes, what's wrong with them, I'm just going up to your school."  "No, momma, they are run down and I can't be having my momma walking around with run down boots on," he said, as if I had committed a crime.  I pulled the lil fabric boots off and examined them.  The right boot's heel was run down on the inside.  I guess walking like a pigeon has its draw-backs.  So, I'm definitely gonna have to purchase some new kicks since the weather is breaking and I can't keep wearing my brown riding boots that I found at Unique's Thrift Store for $10.00.  

Back to my original topic of granny panties.  I purchase my panties and get home and before going out for the evening, I take me another shower and lotion up.  I get my new undies out of the bag and open the package.  I hold them up and yep, they sure do look like granny panties.  "Baby, look, my butt has to fit into granny panties now," I say to my fiance'.  He chuckles.  He likes the extra meat on my bones.  When we first met, I was wearing a size nine in jeans.  We looked like two attractive bean poles standing next to each other.  Bean pole no more, I am.  When people see me who knew me from before the past two years see me now, if it's a guy, "Damn, you done got thick," they say, looking like the hungry wolf in Little Red Riding Hood.  If it's a female, "Girl, look at them hips, where you get all them hips?" they ask claiming they want some.  They have them already, just not packaged like mine are. 

Anyway, I thought since I blog about everything else, I'd share my plight with my new granny panties.  I was watching the first Big Momma's House with Martin Lawrence and when the real Big Momma rushes into the restroom to relieve herself and later gets into the shower, I swear I was just looking at myself the other day and that's what I look like to myself.  My eyes must be playing tricks on me like an anorexic chick sees her self.  I know I'm not THAT big, but in my own eyes, yes I am.  Oh well, plans of toning this extra meat need to take effect immediately.  Summer is on the way and I've got to look right in my own eyes.  Until next time..."Live your life by loving yourself."