Thursday, June 13, 2013

Just One of THEM Days

Well, it's 9:48 a.m. and I've been up since 7:06 a.m.  Had to get the 14 year old registered for summer school.  I swear, it's ALWAYS something.  We get there, and a man comes out and greets us, BEFORE we even made it into the building.  Seems the kids need their uniforms on, to enter the building.  OMG, here we go, up until I got there, I WAS in a pretty good mood.  It doesn't take MUCH to tick me off.  I'm like a time-bomb waiting to go off when it comes to aggravating situations, because there's ALWAYS something aggravating me at EVERY turn.  Trust, there is a book on this subject waiting to erupt out of my head, I already have the title written down.  Anyway, so I get him registered, back home to change clothes and now I'm back home, sitting in my "Butt Buddy", my chair.  Called my internet service provider AGAIN, to make sure there is NOTHING they can do to keep me from losing my services for the next two to three days, NOTHING!!!  Oh well, there's nothing I can do at the moment, so I'm just gonna ride the tide.  There's a lesson here, and I've already learned it, just have to go with the flow until I get to put it to use.

Anyway, I still have service as of now, so thought I'd blog a post  just in case ANYONE is wondering what happened to me, why haven't I been posting on my Facebook wall, or WORKING for that matter.  I'm gonna take it all in stride because I know that ALL things happen for a reason, the good, the bad AND the ugly.  It's how you handle them that counts.  I'm gonna sit back and be in chill mode for sure, IF I should get clipped.  There's some writing projects that need to be tended to and no internet service will allow me to FINALLY get to them.  Sometimes you'll be FORCED to get stuff done and trust, I got plenty that needs to be done.  As a writer, I feel like I've taken time for granted, like I got FOREVER to write, when that is NOT true.  With all the stories stored inside my head, just sitting there idly to be penned and published to live on forever, I should be ashamed of myself.  I have been blessed with ALL forms of communication skills, and writing to me, is the greatest of them all.  To be able to convey thoughts and feelings into words that come alive on page after page, is truly a GIFT.

Well, I think this constitutes as a blog post, so I've used my gift today.  I guess I will go on and lay it back down, gotta make the best of what could be my last day on the internet for a couple of days.  Still gotta make this money while I can, for next month's bill cycle.  Things wouldn't be so bad, if I'd known about the discontinued services of my internet provider, but not knowing does not cut it.  But now that I do know, I'll be better prepared to handle next month's business.  See, things happen for a reason, if I had not called to make payment arrangements, I'd still be in the dark about NOT being able to do it.  Anyway, sleep is calling me and I must rejuvenate from this morning's aggravation.  Gotta get geared up for possibly MORE aggravation on the horizon.  Until next time, live, love, learn.  Peace.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

My Cheeky

It's not even 8:00 a.m. and I'm up like I didn't just go to bed after 1:00 a.m.  What has wakened me up so early?  I can only guess it was my new SB (Spiritual Brother), Cheeky, who I've met on my journey as an adviser, life-coach and therapist on one of my online work sites.  Cheeky and I have been spending an awful lot of time offering each other spiritual guidance as we're both in a transitional period in our lives.  Although he's young enough to be one of my eldest children, the fact that he works for the "Divine" gives him innate wisdom and guidance beyond his years.  I woke a little after 7 a.m. and just lay there reflecting on the day before and anticipating what this day could bring.  I've had some news that I'm waiting on to materialize into reality, so I'm a little bit on the expectant side.  So I'm laying there and my SB, comes to mind, after a while, I'm thinking, hummm, he's on a giant clock leap, (he lives in the UK) I wonder what he's doing, he's probably waiting for me to get up, so we can start our chat.  I get up, turn on my computer and what do you know, he's JUST skyped me.  The message simply says, "hahahahaha, hey".  I respond, "good morning, you watched me laying there, you called out to me, and that's why you laughing."  "yep," is his response.  It's simply amazing how the mind works.  We in the spiritual world can telepathically connect to each other no matter the miles.

I've always known that I was gifted ever since I was a teen.  Haven't done it in a while, but I used to be able to "lift myself, out of myself," for lack of a better term.  I would lie in bed and will my soul to leave my body. At the time, I didn't think of it as anything big, just knew that I could do it.  As an adult, I've not even tried to see if I can still do it, as I'm quite content with the other mental capabilities that come naturally for me as I've began to accept that I do have a direct link to the Divine.  The fact that my SB called out to me and I answered by turning on my computer to find a message from him, just minutes before, is proof that there is something mystical going on.  As we've spent countless hours getting to know each other over the past few days, it is clear that I am NOT giving myself enough credit in utilizing the gift that I've been given.  I've denied, out of self-doubt, that I was indeed psychic and could NOT tell the future when asked to.  My SB asked me pointedly, "why do you claim you cannot tell the future, you're always on point to me"?  Having another person confirm your spiritual gift to you does wonders for the psychy.  Since meeting him, I've had the opportunity to hone my skills as we converse and share our life experiences.  We're like long lost buddies who haven't heard from each other in a while.  We immediately synced, spiritually, and have given each other what each needed in the form of encouragement, confirmation, insight, enlightenment and whatever else the other needed emotionally and spiritually.  It's simply amazing the timing of it all.

Both of us are suffering through a break-up, uncertain of the future of our failed relationships. Even though we come from different sexual orientations, the pain each of us is feeling is identical.  Which goes to show, love does not discriminate and neither should we.  He feels my pain, I feel his pain, it is the SAME pain.  A broken heart does not see color, sex or any other defining factor other than, perhaps, the deafening, silent scream that comes from what feels like your heart having the life squeezed out of it.  At any rate, each of us came equipped with what the other needed.  I can't help to use the word, AMAZING, to describe the connection.  It's also one of Cheeky's words he uses to describe me, as he's become one of my biggest fans on my talk show, The Show, as well.  "Hey MY Hawky," he said, before we began what would be the most healing-est week in our lives.  "I googled you, and I am now your number one fan," he announced in my chat room, one day.  I laughed cause I've heard that before, but after he kept coming to the show and going into the Waiting Room, it was clear that he had become one of my number one fans, foreal.  Later, the revelation was revealed why we had been connected.  He's a psychic too, thus us meeting in the Waiting Room, but more importantly than our shared purpose in life, we were both dealing with similar emotional crisis' and was able to be a spiritual balm in each others' lives.

Well when I first started this post, I certainly didn't intend to make it about my new friend, but when you value something and appreciate the gift you've been given, I guess you can't help but share it.  Anyway, I guess I've honored my new friend enough for one day.  He's truly a gift from the Universe, as he's made the last week bearable, to say the least.  My Cheeky, I know you're smiling from ear to ear, and the warm feelings have spread from the top of your head to the soles of your feet, which is my gift to you, the gift of knowing how important and special you are to me.  Until next time folks, live, love, learn!!!

Monday, June 10, 2013

Monday Musings

It's Monday afternoon, and I've not too long woke up from my very peaceful slumber.  My Sunday actually ended in the wee hours of Monday morning, as I tried to wind down from a very busy weekend.  I did some major house cleaning and cleaning out of my mental cavity as well.  Right now I'm dealing with a break-up, but have managed to stay pretty focused on other important matters, like what I'm supposed to be doing with myself, should the break-up lead to permanent status.  Relationships have been a constant in my life since the age of fifteen, so I'm pretty much wired for being a partner to someone.  Other than my children, having my total self, to myself has not been something I've desired, but at this point, I might have to consider it as an option.

And not to say that I couldn't build another relationship with someone new, but the thought of starting over, learning someone else, when your mind and soul thought that the last would be your eternal, just seems like too much work, and since I have a boat-load of things that have taken backseat to my love life over the years, I think it only fair to spend some quality time with them, while I yet have a chance.  Some of the things, mainly my writing, has always been something that should have been done in the midst of the relationships, but for some strange reason, I never was committed enough to do them at the same time.  Now that I'm without a relationship, my writing seems to be tapping my mind daily to get some attention.  Blogging is a form of writing, so I'm definitely answering its call.

Anyways, time to get ready for my talk show, don't forget to tune in at, The Show!!!  until next time, LIVE, LOVE AND LEARN.  Peace.

Friday, June 7, 2013

No Celebration Today

Okay, so it's June 7, 2013, the first time in the past four years that I'm not celebrating an anniversary.  Ever since I met the man who immediately became my fiance', we've celebrated the 7th of each month.  This year, there won't be a celebration.  He's been gone from my home since the 2nd of June.  Both of us pretty much got fed up with each other.  Our relationship was supposed to last forever, if there was such a thing.  He swore he wasn't ever going anywhere.  Well as always, his actions outweighed his words.  Do I blame him for getting tired of all of the arguing that led up to him leaving, of course not.  I'd get tired of it too.  But technically speaking, he brought it on himself.  I'm a simple lady, settled in my ways and don't ask for much.  The problem was, he was not as settled as I thought he was.  I was a homebody, when we first met, he hung around me like he was too.  We were inseparable.  But as time went on, he settled into his hanging out routine, as if he was not in a relationship.  He spent more time away from home, in other people's homes, than I could stand.  It became unbearable for me after he lost his job.  Instead of working harder around the house, while I continued to work my online jobs, he spent time away from home as IF he was still working on someone's job.  I'd gripe like nobody's business when he did return, when he was around.  I made life a living hell, if I wasn't happy, no one was going to be happy.  So that's pretty much what pushed him out the door.  He felt I was being unreasonable as he was doing all he could to secure another job.  He didn't get it that if you can't contribute financially, you need to be contributing all other kinds of ways to the household.  There were plenty of projects he could have started and completed around the home-front, but instead, he ignored what needed to be done and left the scene, I guess, to keep from being depressed.

Anyway, as you can see, it's early in the a.m. and I'm usually still tucked away under the covers.  I actually slept on the couch last night.  Not sure why, probably because the bed reminds me of us and it's settling in that there might not be an "us" again, so I'm going through the motions of withdrawal.  I'll probably go back and lay down for a few more hours, but wanted to kick off my new routine.  Gotta keep it moving so I won't get depressed.  The weekend is coming and my 16 year old will be home for two days.  I'm really excited about that and hope I can pull it together for him.  Fourteen year old has had to watch me try to keep it together.  He came around he corner and caught me crying the other day in the living room.  Two days earlier he asks why am I so sad.  He said, "you just went through a whole bunch of stuff with him and now you're free, why are you so sad"?   I had to explain to him that love is a process and just like you gradually fall into love, you've got to gradually fall out of love completely and there are going to be sad times even when the best thing was for it to end.  I try really hard not to let them see me down.  So many count on me being up, so I have to pick and choose when I can let my true emotions flow.

Well, I think this constitutes as a post.  I'll leave you all to the rest of your day.  Mine doesn't have to start for a while now, so I'll definitely get some more shut eye.  Make sure you catch me on the cam around 3:00 p.m. central at one of my spots for the show.  The Show  Until then, live, love and learn.  Peace.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

My Cash Flow

I guess since I'm posting, might as well post some new developments as well.  Since I launched, Straight Talk with Red Hawk, The Show, my internet based talk show, I've also put together a professional website for my life-coaching services.  My Life-Coach site coincides with another new development, New Gig, where you can actually view me live, when I'm on.  Between all the online stuff going on, don't forget you can purchase what I call, The Bibles of Survival, and have my wisdom and insight at your figure tips.  Well that should be enough to get you back acquainted with yours truly.  P.S.  Don't forget to like our show's like page on facebook, by clicking Like Page.  Until I post again, live, love and learn.  Peace.

Uncertain Future

Wow, it's been a little minute since I blogged over here, but that's alright, just means life has been lived.  So many things have taken place in my life and if I had a reality show, I'm almost certain, I'd have high ratings.  When I sit back and think about all of the events that make up the web of my life, my life could very easily be written into the lines of a soap opera.  Some people say they have no life at all, I say I have an excess of life. From one day to the next, you just never know what's going to take place.  I have teens, so that says a lot within itself.  As of last week, I had a relationship, but not sure where that is right now.  All of my adult life, I've been in a relationship, and the thought of being single at such a late age in life has me feeling giddy, as well as sad, at the same time.  Sad because this last relationship was supposed to last to the term of marriage and beyond.  We gave it four years, but seems like it just fizzled out towards the end.  Giddy because I know that being on my own can only open up endless, positive possibilities that I've not been allowed to explore for working diligently on whatever relationship I was in.  My mind is focused on the many projects that I've let sit dormant over the years.  There are plenty that I've started and they've sat, probably wondering when, oh when, would they see me again.  With my mind now free to wrap itself around said projects, I can only hope that no other life crisis pops up to distract me.

The last few days, I've found myself wandering around the house, seemingly "lost and out of place," for a lack of a better phrase.  As the reality sets in that I am single, I'm going to have to switch up my routine as well as my mindset.  There has almost, always been a we, when it came down to my thoughts. Now, me, myself and I are the new we, that I must focus on.  I gotta figure out what we are supposed to be doing now that there is no couple residing under this roof.  Each day that I've awakened since the break-up, the next day, I don't even know how I made it thru.  But one thing is for certain, life must go on, steps must be made, in order to get past the period of pain.  Time will eventually ease the sickening feeling of loss, erase the dull ache deep in my heart, but yet I still have to get to that point.  And I'll get there, cause I've been in this place before, many years ago, but for some reason, and I do know the reason, it just feels this time will be far more a greater challenge.  But I've been challenged all of my life and made it through each and every one.  I believe the fact that it is so late in my life, so past many lessons, that I look at this situation with a sense of knowing.

The knowing comes from wisdom, comes from experience, comes from living.  I know that nothing is as it seems, I know that time has a way of flipping the script to the point that you can't possibly know what's really going on.  All you can do is wake up each day, live that day out and go on to the next.  Right now, I'm half way through the day, haven't even logged on to work, but have taken a shower, written a short story and even penned this blog posting.  The house has a totally different feel to it.  The kitchen sink is actually empty, the sitting room is clutter free, could this be a sign that my surroundings are reflective of my present state of mind?  I've not eaten today, not a big eater when my heart is troubled, but I'll grab something before the night is over.  Well, I feel like I've done something purposeful today, even if it's just random ramblings.  We'll see what tomorrow brings.  Until then, live, love and learn.  Peace.