Sexual Harassment, Really???

I woke up to all zeros on my computer screen when I checked my bank cards online; a sign of a not good day.  After the boys went off to school, I got back in the bed for my after-the-boys-leave nap.  As usual my sleep was invaded by a dream.  In the dream, I had to put my hands on Fourteen Year Old.  The last time I dreamed he was in trouble at school, he was.  He wasn't at school this time, he had actually come back home in my dream and I was getting on him about not going to school.  If only he had stayed home in real life.  Calling my bank card's 1-800 number, I was relieved to know that there was a scheduled direct deposit for the day.  That's all I needed to hear to ease my day, but before I could get off the phone with my good news, my cell phone starts ringing.  I'm still on the computer's Magic Jack phone and so my fiance' answers the cell phone.  I look over at him and he mouths, "It's the school."  "Oh Gawd, not again," I say to myself.  After getting off my happy call, I dial the school back up; it's the Principal's direct dial.  I'm not going to even type out the dialogue cause I just don't want to, but the gist of the conversation is that Fourteen Year Old is cutting up in class.  I have to come up and sit with him or take him home.  Now doesn't that sound like some kindergartner #@$%.

So I get dressed and have already let the principal know that I don't have time to come up and babysit a fourteen year old, so there's probably going to be some corporal punishment, for sure.  He told me to come on up.  After I get there, I walk through the halls like I'm going to war; I am, I am waring against my teenage son acting like he doesn't have any home training.  So I walk into his classroom and motion for him to follow me.  Everybody knows me and knows that I am a no-nonsense kind of mom, so they already know that if I'm up there, I mean business.  My son's crime was "joning" with another classmate.  If you don't know what joning is, it's when they talk about each other or relatives.  In this case the other party to the joning session was a girl who has "issues".  At least that's what the Principal told me when I caught up with him after I slapped my son around a few seconds to see if I could get him to understand the seriousness of my time.  Even though I quit my job six years ago so that I could be contacted on a dime's notice when there was a problem with any of my children at school, I still didn't want to keep running up there because he couldn't keep his mouth shut.  My son said that the girl started it and he finished it.  Finished it to the point that despite the principal telling him to settle down, he did not, thus the phone call to mommy. 

Okay, so this young lady has "issues," so does my son.  As not to divulge too much information about him, I'll just say that the school put a label on him when he was in the first grade that has followed him to this day.  My child is quite bright/intelligent when he wants to be, but sometimes he snaps when he's provoked.  They wanted to put him on Ritalin, but no can do.  I was not going to have my son reduced to a zombie in school because he was hyper-active.  At any rate, there are a lot of kids with "issues" at that school and my son wants to know why is it okay for someone to start something with him and when he takes it to another level, he's the one who gets in trouble?  I understand his question because I have the same question rolling around in my head.  So if a child has "issues" or is "special" and they hit or provoke another student, the other student is supposed to take into consideration that "Oh, they have issues so I have to let them do what they do to me?"  I don't think any fourteen year old or anyone older or younger should have to put up with someone else cause they're special.

So I ask my son do I need to take him home or is he going to be okay for the rest of the day.  I warned him that if I have to come back up, it's not going to be pretty.  He assured me that he would keep his mouth shut, especially if a person who has "issues" says something to him.  I felt like he meant it.  So I tell him that I will see him around 2:50 p.m. because he and his brother have a doctor's appointment to get the second of three shots they need.  I told him to be good and I'll see him later.  That was that.

Fast forward to 2:50 p.m. and I'm walking through the metal detectors of the school.  The security staff doesn't even wand me like they normally do and they're all saying, "Go on baby," sympathetically, like a grandma would say.  So I go to the office to request my son be dismissed for early dismissal.  They get on the two-way radio thingy and ask that someone escort him down to the office from room "whatever."  The security peeps tell me that he's not in room "whatever," he's in the Principal's office and he's been in there for a while.  What in the world?  I thought I left him in good shape. 

I get upstairs and walk into the Principal's office and my son says, "Momma, they trying to say that I sexually harassed a girl."  I'm like, "What?"  The Principal tells me that this girl came to him crying saying that my son has been bothering her for a week.  A week, are you serious?  So you wait a whole week to tell that someone has been bothering you, sexually harassing you at that?  I don't get too excited because I want to hear the whole story so that I can see what's the deal.  I'm going to school for a Criminal Justice degree so that I can help wayward children and at this moment, it's time for me to utilize my twelve months of schooling.  I sit and listen to my son's version.  He doesn't stutter and vehemently says he didn't do anything to that girl; said he didn't even really know her.  The girl's story is that he's been harassing her in the hall; I'm still trying to see where the sexually harassing comes in.  My son said that two of his buddies told him that they inappropriately touched the girl and she didn't have a pleasant smell.  My son says that he laughed.  What else is a fourteen year old supposed to do.  The girl never mentions the buddies, but my son figured since he's getting in trouble for something he didn't do, he's squealing on everybody.  Fourteen Year Old says that he walked into a class that the girl was leaving out and the class smelled musty, so he blurted out, "It stinks in here."  He said he never even said a word to her, just that it stunk in the class.  I can hear him myself.  He has no problem pointing out any one's body odor. 

The girl, thinking he's talking about him, goes to the principal and says that he's been sexually harassing her for about a week; around the time that his buddies disclosed to him what had taken place outside of the school grounds.  I'm still waiting for the sexual harassment part.  One observer of the girl's "performance" in the Principal's office is that you would have thought MY son had touched her or raped her.  Obviously he wasn't buying her story.  Long story short, they wanted to get me up there as soon as possible before the girl's mother arrived since they know that I would be there in case my son needed me.  After listening to everything, here's what I've come up with.  The girl, out of embarrassment for what the buddies were spreading around about her, needed a scapegoat and since my son wasn't involved in the initial "tampering" of the goods, she wanted to take the spotlight off of herself and put it on him since he was now privy to what had taken place.  That's just my perception of everything.  I'm still trying to figure out what the sexual harassment is.  Did my son say something inappropriate to her about what he heard?  He said he didn't, he wouldn't do that to her, he doesn't even know her.  Do I believe him?  Not sure.  All I know is, if those guys were touching that girl in her southern regions and my son laughed about it or even said something to her about it, is that really sexual harassment?  That's such a serious term.  Unfortunately, my son has been suspended for five days so that the school can cover their butts as to taking care of the situation.  I'm not upset about that, but what I am upset about is the fact that they are taking this girl's word over my son's and there are deeper issues that aren't being addressed.  Those boys told my son what they did to that girl, is no one concerned about that?  I am. 

I'm going up to the school on Monday morning to pick up a homework package so that my son won't fall behind.  The Principal said that he's supposed to be meeting with the girl's mother to find out what she wants to do about my son.  If the girl says she just wants my son to leave her alone, then everything is squashed and my son will only have to serve three days of suspension.  If the mother presses charges, then they'll contact me.  They won't have to contact me, I'll already be up there.  Being accused of sexual harassment at the age of fourteen is a serious offense and I'm not sure if what he did was indeed sexual harassment and I'm not going to rest until I find out exactly what's going on.  I'm not sure if they were trying to scare my son into maturity, but he's only fourteen, how many of us were mature at that age?  Threatening him with jail time because he repeated what he had heard to a girl is a bit extreme, if that's what happened, but we are living in extreme times where you can get into trouble for something that, back in the day, would be considered teasing.  Where's my home schooling packet at?  Until next time..."Live your life by loving yourself."

#1 Reason I'm a Stay-at-Home Momma

It's 4:00 p.m. and my fourteen year old has not made it home.  Twelve year old has made it in, safe and sound.  I asked him did he see his brother walking home, he said no.  Okay, where could he be?  I'm thinking maybe he's in after school detention.  So I call the school and inquire how I can find out if he's been detained.  I call the school's main number and am transferred to his principal's phone line.  I only get a message.  I call his cell phone.  Yeah, I have all access to the people who are supposed to be in charge of my children.  So he answers and I inform him who I am and inquire about my son's whereabouts.  "Oh, I was just about to call you," he says, sounding like he's lying.  "Sure, sure," I'm thinking to myself.  "It's 4:00 p.m. and my son is still not home," I said, very annoyed and a little worried.  "He walked home," he said,  "and from what I'm hearing, he was about to get into a fight with someone," he said, matter of factually.  Okay, so I'm very upset now.  My son should not be walking home.  He rides the school bus to and from school.  He recently lost his bus pass and I had given him three dollars to purchase another one. To this day, that purchase has not occurred.  They have given him a temporary bus pass, which is a sticky thing that is attached to his clothes.  Of course he peels it off as soon as he gets home.  Who wants to walk around with a sticky thing on their clothes, especially after they get home from school and go back out into the world.  I know when I leave his school, I immediately take the sticky thing that they give visitors off of my clothing.

My son finally makes it home and he is heated.  On the way home, some eighth graders tried to jump him.  He is furious.  Walking home alone can be a very unsafe thing to do when you have so many people who may be jealous of you cause you look better than they do, dress better than they do, play football better than they do, have a bangier body than they do, have a momma that looks better than their momma, the list is countless.  Anyway, he's pulling off his clothes and about to go collect his boys.  I order him to calm down and tell me what happened.  He tells me that there were several boys and just him.  One boy pushes him and calls him the "B" word and calls him soft.  I'd be soft too if I was surrounded by a group of guys I barely know, trying to beat me up.  He said he put up his dukes and the boy never did do anything, but one of his boys said if he teed off on my son, he would follow up.  I can't imagine my boy in this predicament.  I am just as furious as he is now because he should have been on the bus.   

I call another principal because I couldn't reach the one I had spoken to earlier.  He says that my son did try to call me while he was on the school grounds.  Unfortunately, he dialed two numbers that he thought were mine.  Neither were, because I've been sitting here all day.  That's why I'm at home all day, so that I won't miss an important call concerning my children.  I'm almost embarrassed to say, but my son doesn't know my numbers, he never calls me, and if he does, it's programmed in the phone that he is using.  The school has my numbers.  He should have went back into the school to get the number and none of this would have happened, but that would have been going the extra mile and what fourteen year old that you know, goes an extra mile? 

I will be up bright and early tomorrow morning to take my child to school to make sure that he arrives safely, and you better believe I have a bone to pick with all of these adults who keep giving my son the run-a-round, when they should have been giving him the bus pass that I sent money to school for him to get.  They can't say that he didn't try to purchase one, because if you're giving him sticky things to put on his clothes, then you are aware that he needs a permanent one.  I swear, this is so wrong on a lot of levels.

What Are Our Children Being Exposed To

My fourteen year old came home today and told me that two female students at his school were caught in the restroom kissing.  He talked as if it wasn't a shock to him that two FEMALES were kissing.  He laughed while telling the story.  I didn't see anything funny.  He then exclaimed, "I'm not ever getting caught kissing no dude in the restroom."  My answer to that was, "You better not get caught kissing a GIRL in the restroom, either."  He laughed like I was a paid comedian.  He actually almost choked on the meat he had been devouring while telling me the horrid story.  He went on to tell me that there was a group of "lesbians" at his school and that two older girls controlled the younger ones.

Now I don't know about anyone else, but I send my children to school to learn the three R's from back in the day, you know, Reading, wRiting and aRithmatic and all the other subjects that don't start with "R".  These children have no business seeing and hearing half the stuff they are exposed to in these modern day schools.  Trust me, I have no issues with the next person's sexual orientation, unless they're residing at my address, but this just doesn't make sense.  All of this openness at such a young age can't be healthy.  I don't even think they should have boyfriends and girlfriends of the opposite sex in middle school, let alone, same sex ones.  The safe learning environment of long ago has become a place of "higher" learning, for sure.  When you think about it, unless you home school, have no television, or live on an island isolated from society, chances are your children are going to be exposed to only God knows what.

So what's a loving mom to do?  Talk until you're blue in the face, foreal.  That's what I do, and trust me, I get as frank as I want to.  If they're being exposed to the stuff that my son comes home talking about, what I say and how I say it can only help.  Even though we can't protect them from what the world's become; one big cesspool, we can equip them with our knowledge and make sure that when they share information with us, we take that opportunity to find out just how much they know, or think they know and give them our input on the situation.  Until next time..."Live your life by loving yourself."

I Really Want to Home School

I love snow days!  Why, you might be asking?  For one, as a stay-at-home mom, I don't have to worry about getting that dreaded phone call from one of my childrens' schools informing me that, yet again, something has happened at school involving one of my children.  I'm not going to say that my children are saints because they're not, but I know what I have instilled in them and that is good, old-fashioned home training.  Can good, old-fashioned home training compete with what's beyond my own four walls?  My philosophy has always been, "Don't start none, won't be none."  When I get a call from school saying that my fourteen year old has been in another confrontation with another student, in the back of my mind I'm wondering, what did the student do to my son to initiate the confrontation? 

Let me give you a little history on the situation.  The school district that I reside in leaves much to be desired.  For starters, they combined two rivaling school districts into one.  Please tell me what sense did that make?  I mean, think about it.  These children are from different neighborhoods that have a history of dislike for each other.  They put them into a confined area and expect there to be peace?  Come on now, give me a break.  At the beginning of the school year, I composed a poem and passed it along to the head principal, hoping that she would make a big deal out of it because it was speaking on the subject of unity within the school walls.  I was really hoping that they would adopt it as their school anthem or something.  Something that the children could recite and get into their spirit, so that they could start thinking as a unit, instead of thinking about the different "sets" they represented. 

Well needless to say, my poem was not taken seriously and the discord continues on a daily basis.  The school is monitored by two uniformed police officers, as well as security guards for the district.  There is a metal detector at the school's entrance, as well as a security guard with a wand to make sure that weapons are not brought into the school.  When I come up to visit, which I often do to let them know that I am, indeed, very concerned about my child's education and well being, they search my purse and wand me down.  I don't mind this because I know that it's for the good of the environment. 

If school is about getting an education, but there are so many distractions in the learning environment that a child cannot concentrate on learning, what is a parent supposed to do?  I'm thinking about the poor mom who used someone elses address to get her children into a better district and was sent to jail for ten days.  As a mother who purposely became a stay-at-home mom to keep a better eye on her children, I am truly considering home-schooling them for the rest of their K-12 educational life.