Who's Nervous

Okay, so I made it through the Black History Month program.  My whole day up until I walked into the gymnasium was a blur.  Time sure slips away from you when you're working on several things at one time.  I decided to wear something that I already had.  In hindsight, I could have done that from the beginning and saved the time I spent trying to purchase something new to wear for something else, like school perhaps?  So I'm trying to get the hairdo together and literally was still working on it while putting on my sweater and grabbing my purse to head out.  The coordinator for the program had told me that me getting there between six and six-fifteen was ideal.  When I hopped into the truck the clock was reading 6:13 p.m.  As I've said in another post, I can get from point A to point Z in seconds if I have to.  By the time we pulled up to the school, there wasn't much room left to park, but lucky for me and my fiance' there was one space left, immediately after turning into the school's driveway.  I wasn't sure if it was an acceptable place to park, but since I was running a wee bit behind, I decided to take the chance.

I jumped out the truck and besides the chilly wind chilling me to the bones, looking at all the cars on the parking lot of the school and the parking lot of the elementary school next to the middle school, I shivered, uncontrollably.  "Baby, what have I gotten myself into?" I asked my fiance' while half running to the entrance.  There was a sign-in table when we first walked in and I saw the coordinator and the look on her face let me know that I looked fabulous.  I felt so thrown together, but apparently I had pulled it off.  She ushered me and my fiance' towards the gymnasium and when I walked in, all the seats on the floor were filled and the side bleachers had minimal seating left.  I kept whispering, "What have I gotten myself into?"  She walked us across the floor and there were two seats left, marked reserved.  Wow, we were sitting in reserved seats.  We sat down and I took a  peek at the program.  I noticed that right after the Black National Anthem, I was to speak.  Well at least I was up first and could get my speaking engagement out the way and enjoy the rest of the evening. 

When they called my name, I stood up, walked up to the stage's steps and silently prayed that I wouldn't trip up them.  "Jesus, help me," I said under my breath, walking up each of the three steps.  I walked up to the podium, thank God for the podium, and grabbed the microphone.  I said good evening to the crowd and they said good evening back.  I proceeded to do as Fourteen Year Old had instructed me not to do and that was introduce myself and let everybody know that I was his mother.  He should have been there, but I was nervous enough without having to worry about saying the right thing in front of him, so I didn't insist on him or his brother coming.  It wasn't like either one of them were interested in the least.

I nervously read one poem out of my book, My Naked Mind: An Intimate Collection of Poetry, and the one that I had barely finished about two hours before the program.  I must have done great because the crowd clapped for me.  While walking back down the steps and passing the girl's basketball team, I heard one young girl say, "I liked your poems."  I thanked her and sank back into my seat, shaking like a leaf.  My fiance' said, "You did great, babe."  The older lady sitting next to him, reached for my book and asked how she could get one.  I pulled out my order form paper that I had brought along and she put her information on it.  I had sold the last of my book supply around December of last year and didn't have any on hand.  I could have sold as many as I had brought, if I had brought some, but I wasn't too worried about book sales as much as I was worried about getting through my speaking engagement. 

Since I had made it through my portion of the evening, I was able to enjoy and appreciate the rest of the evening.  There were young girls reciting the works of others, a projected presentation that brought tears to my eyes because my two poems were in sync with what was being said, the band performed twice and there was also a dance presentation.  I truly felt honored to be a part of the celebration of Black Women in history.  Being included as a guest speaker was a part of the history that I was making; a truly monumental moment.  Until next time..."Live your life by loving yourself."

Dreaded Phone Call

I purposely slept in today.  After waking the boys up for school, I left them to fiend for themselves, and crawled back into my warm bed.  At the ages of fourteen and soon to be twelve, they are capable of getting themselves off to school without my help.  Except for the occasional, "Momma, I can't find my...," I'm really not needed after the initial wake-up rouse.  Soon they won't need me at all, because one of the new rules is that EVERYTHING they need for the next day is already set out the night before.  I know you might be thinking that should have already been a rule.  Well it has been a rule, it was just not being followed.  With the New Year came the resolution to be more organized and stress-free.  Being prepared for the next day is an easy thing to do, they just needed to do it.  They now see how much smoother their day starts off when they don't have to hunt things down.

Getting back on topic, I slept in today and on the occasional roll-over, I thought about the fact that I hadn't turned my computer on yet so that I could hear my Magicjack ringing and the fact that my cell phone might be out of hearing distance, so I prayed that the school hadn't been trying to reach me.  It was ten in the morning before I even thought about getting up but then, as I was thinking about rolling back over to see what kind of dreams were waiting for me on the other side, I heard it.  My cell phone started ringing and my heart sank.  It sank further as I heard my fiance' say, "Hold on."  He reached the phone to me and mouthed, "It's the school."  I took a deep breath and said hello.  "Hi Ms. Martin, this is Ms. So and So," the voice on the other end said.  "First, let me tell you there's nothing wrong."  I breathed a sigh of relief, and listened attentively.  "We're having a Black History program and wanted to know if you would be a guest speaker?"  Wow, a guest speaker at my child's school, one of my goals for this year.  "Of course I'd like to be a guest speaker at the program," I said.  After she told me all the details, I hung up the phone elated.  They wanted me to read some of my poetry from my book and perhaps set up a table.  Unfortunately, I didn't have any books on hand, nor could I afford to get any, but my mind was already working on a Plan B. 

I'm typing this post today with new found joy in my heart.  Struggling to make things happen on a daily basis in my life, sometimes I get discouraged when nothing is happening.  Then, before I know it, an opportunity comes knocking at my door.  I may not have any books on hand, but know that I can still type up a book ordering form for interested people.  I'm pretty sure that I can come up with a creative way to make some money on that night.  I'm determined to use this opportunity to showcase all that I am.  Who knows what kind of opportunities will become available from this one event?  One thing is for sure; I have until the twenty-third of February to get prepared for my moment in the spotlight.  As I said in an earlier post, success is when preparation meets opportunity and here we are, opportunity has come knocking, let me go finish preparing.  Until next time..."Live your life by loving yourself."